Insecurity and Prosthetic Dog Testicles

My eyebrow raised a bit as I read the title, "And the Ig Nobel Prize goes to...." This article in the local newspaper was too enticing to pass up. I read the sub-title, "The inventor of, er, fake doggie testicles." Okay, the apparent humor in this got me; I plowed on. Gregg Miller of Boston developed artificial testicles for neutered dogs. He began this interesting task ten years ago when he decided to re-endow a rottweiler named Max. To perform the re-endowment process, Miller created silicone implants which vary in size, shape, weight, and degree of firmness. How does one know which size, shape, weight, and degree of firmness they should order for their nutless dog? Do you grab and squeeze, albeit gently one would hope, the real thing hanging between the legs of intact dogs? Should you test the balls of dogs belonging to the same breed? What is the criteria for testicle testing? The article simply doesn't say. However, we are informed that this product is touted to "retain his natural look" and "self esteem." Would this be the dog's esteem or his insecure owner?

Miller, apparently, has a thriving business with his testicle implants. I wonder how fast he'd pass Bill Gates in the yearly net income department if he marketed these small, medium, large, round, oblong, egg-like, light, semi-heavy, lead weight, soft, semi-firm, rock-hard gems to insecure human males.